Kebab attack

There's this old Monty Python sketch about this group of soldiers learning to defend themselves against being attacked with fresh fruit. I could have needed some of that knowledge today when I was attacked by an angry mob of students armed with fresh döner kebabs.

Seriously.

I had just arrived at this underground station and was preparing to make my way up the stairs when suddenly there's this huge group of (presumably) students, about 20 or 30 of them, coming down the stairs, all of them holding döner kebab sandwiches, and munching vigorously.

Not only was the smell of fresh döner and onion overpowering, the sight of 20 or 30 people holding kebabs and chewing madly whilst moving down the stairs was also truly frightening. And the sight of so many people simultaneously chewing döner sandwiches was totally unreal.

Imagine a huge herd of ruminating cows moving towards you. Or better still, a herd of ruminating cows with each cow holding a kebab sandwich in its hoof. Spooky.

I managed to escape them without the help of a tiger or a 16-ton weight, but I don't even want to know what it must have been like when the 20 or 30 of them (students, not cows) with their 20 or 30 kebab sandwiches squeezed themselves onto an already crowded underground train.