37 things you never wanted to know about me

To welcome the 38th year of my life, I thought I'd disclose 37 facts about me that you probably never wanted to know. At least, except for three or four points, nobody ever asked me about them. Anyway, here we go:

1. My birthday is March 16th, same as that of Jerry Lewis, Bernardo Bertolucci and Karlheinz Böhm.

2. I'm taller than 5'10" and shorter than 5'11" and will never get used to imperial measures.

3. "Horst" means "he who comes from the forest". As a noun it also means "eagle's nest". It's an awfully Teutonic name, which seems somewhat inappropriate for an Austrian. I've had 37 years to grow used to it.

4. My middle name is Peter, which is spelt the same, but pronounced differently in German. It means the same thing as in English though.

5. "Prillinger" can either mean "the people who live near the swampy meadow" or "the farmer who breeds pigs", depending on whether you prefer the German or the Czech etymology.

6. I have never lived in or near a forest, in or near an eagle's nest, or in a village near a swampy meadow, and neither myself nor my parents have ever bred pigs.

7. Four of my eight great-grandparents were of Czech origin, which is not unusual in Austria.

8. I can read and speak German, English and French; I can read Spanish, Italian, Dutch and Swedish with some difficulty (but not really speak any of them). I had six years of Latin at school, but I'm not sure if I still understand any of it. I understand a handful of words in Hindi movies. I don't understand a single word of Czech.

9. I have a "Magister" degree (similar to an M.A.) in English language and literature and Communications, media studies and journalism from Vienna University. I also have a Ph.D. in English literature and linguistics.

10. Nineteen years ago, I was sure that I never wanted to become a teacher. Oddly enough, so far I have spent most of my professional life teaching.

11. I started cooking when I was living in students' residence, mostly because I couldn't stand the food in the various student canteens, refectories and snack bars.

12. I have been seriously addicted to curries since my return from a prolonged stay in the UK in 1995.

13. I have lived in the UK twice, in 1990/91 and 1994/95.

14. I'm a hopeless romantic.

15. I have bizarre fantasies, but I don't discuss them publicly, not even when I'm very drunk, and they're mostly harmless anyway.

16. I'm a published writer, but my book is unlikely to become a bestseller and my published newspaper articles are limited and of minority appeal. I do intend to write a bestseller soon, though.

17. I seriously doubt that I'll be working as a librarian for the rest of my life.

18. I used to play the bass guitar in a band. We had five gigs with moderate success, but I haven't played in a band for over ten years now and probably don't even know how to hold the bass any more.

19. I'm brilliant at memorising and remembering numbers, but really terrible at remembering and/or recognising people's faces, which can be rather embarrassing.

20. I'm a liberal Roman Catholic. I'd much rather be an agnostic, but I can't seem to let go of some Catholic concepts, despite the fact that I disagree with much of what the Pope says.

21. I have 29 1/2 teeth. One wisdom tooth came out only half, one was extracted, and the other two are in there somewhere, but haven't shown up yet. The other 28 teeth are still all there.

22. During my army service, I worked for a few months at the doctor's office, writing medical reports and prescriptions.

23. I had a stint in student politics. During that time I was alternatingly accused of being too eager to compromise and of being a hardliner. I guess you can't please everybody.

24. Sixteen years ago, I dyed my hair black. I don't know whether to blame the dye or my maternal grandfather's genes for my current hair loss.

25. I find toilet humour totally unfunny.

26. Despite annual visits to London since 1986, I still haven't travelled the London Underground Network in its entirety.

27. I'm allergic to cats.

28. I barely ever remember my dreams, and those I do remember seem to make no sense. For example, my wet dreams puzzle me to no end because they're terribly abstract and there seems to be nothing even remotely erotic about them.

29. I wasn't born in Vienna, but I've been living here for the past 19 years (minus the time when I lived in the UK).

30. One thing I like about Vienna is the high density of Italian ice cream parlours.

31. One thing I hate about Vienna is the dog dirt on the streets.

32. My shoe size is 9 1/2.

33. My favourite Monty Python sketches are 'The Spanish Inquisition', 'A Theory on Brontosauruses by Anne Elk', and the Raymond Luxury-Yacht sketch.

34. Despite the fact that I am bombarded with dozens of e-mails every day urging me to enlarge my penis, I have so far remained unconvinced as to the advantages of being "hung like a horse".

35. I don't own a car. Which is why I've driven at least 18 different makes of rental cars. I've also on a handful of occasions driven a class 5081 DMU and a class 2043 diesel engine with a 1100-ton freight train attached to it (no, not on Microsoft Train Simulator — in real life).

36. I sometimes fear that watching The Avengers as a child has somewhat shaped my outlook on life because I have a fascination with weird gadgets and smart, good-looking women who wear catsuits and kick ass like Emma Peel.

37. My name may be spelt "Horst Prillinger", but it's pronounced "Throatwobbler Mangrove".